pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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