had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
