Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
