9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
