im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
