See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
