I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
