I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
