we made out on top of his cat.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
