Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
