You can't special order awesome
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
