I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
