So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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