if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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