Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Michael Bay diarrhea
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
