your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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