thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Quick, to the slutcave!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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