Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Terrible idea I love it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
