I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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