The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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