the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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