I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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