I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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