I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
