would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
