I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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