Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Bang-toberfest begins!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
