Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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