she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
