It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
