As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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