I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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