dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
