Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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