I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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