Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
