my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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