Will you blow on my dice?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
