but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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