There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize