Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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