have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
