Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
