I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
