And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
