We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
