he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
