Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
