i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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