remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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