YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
