if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
