OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
