im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
