I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
