1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I could fuck to npr.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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