Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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