Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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