beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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