TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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