HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
