capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
