I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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