the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
