so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
