I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
