just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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