so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
