Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
