Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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