Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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