thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
