It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize