remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
