he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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