How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
